My Mamma Bear is showing!

Here’s a question I have.  When is it okay to tell a child to fight another child to defend themselves?  Is there an age limit? 

My son is in second grade.  There was a time when I thought that it was too young to tell him to hit another child.  My mind has now been changed.  When he was in Kindergarten, then first, and the first part of second, if something happened, I always told him to tell the nearest adult.  That doesn’t seem to be working.  The school he goes to is a really good school, so I’m baffled as to why everything is going so wrong. 

Here’s my situation.  There is this kid in his grade, a real bully.  Other moms have told me stories about him pushing their son down the bleachers or hitting their son, or even pushing their daughter against the side of the bus.  No one has said anything to the school, because it only happened once.  Then there’s my son.  This kid likes to tease my son, and before Christmas break, he said that he was going to come to my son’s house on Christmas Eve and kill his whole family.  I let it go, thinking that it was just a boy trying to trash talk.  I mean, he’s only in second grade for crying out loud. 

Then things escalated.  After the break, one day my son came home and said that this boy kicked him hard under the lunch table.  Then later on the bus, after this kid hit one of my son’s friends and my son told him to stop, the bully actually said, “Shut up or I’ll stab you or kill you.”  That was it.  I contacted the school.  Did they do anything? No.  They told the boy that he couldn’t say stuff like that, and they called his parents.  Big whoop!

Last but not least, my son came home yesterday and told me about something that happened at recess.  Apparently, all the boys were playing football (not tackle since they can’t in school).  While they were playing, my son had the football, the bully ended up tackling him to get it.  I’m not mad about that.  Boys are boys, and will ruff house.  What I’m mad about is the three extra times that this boy slammed my son’s head into the ground.  I asked my son if he told any adults, and he said, “No,” not wanting to be a snitch. 

Finally, this is what I told him.  “You know what, the next time that he lays a finger on you (pushing, hitting, etc.), hit back!” Then he asked, “What if he hits me back?”  Here’s my response, “Then you keep swinging till they pull you off.”  I’m sick of it!  I have played by the school’s rules and said violence is bad, but that’s not protecting my son.  If they are going to keep a kid like that in school, and know what he’s doing, then I’m going to tell my son to fully defend himself.  He’s scared that he’ll get in trouble at school, and if it comes to that, you bet your ass, that I’ll be marching into that school to protect my son.  I feel Mamma Bear stirring in the den, best not wake her!!

So now my son knows two rules.

1.       Never swing first, only fight to defend yourself.

2.     NEVER, under any circumstances, hit a girl.  It might be old fashioned, but it is something that I strongly believe in.  Even if they’re hitting him, he is to NEVER hit back.

I still look at him and see my little boy, so it’s hard to give him permission to fight back, but what else do you do when the school does nothing?  So back to my question; when is it okay to tell a child to fight another child to defend themselves?